Half the Sky.

‘Women hold up half the sky.’ –Chinese Proverb

I just finished reading Half the Sky, by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. I idolize them. I want my husband and me to be them. They are journalists who travel the world writing stories, taking pictures, and raising awareness. I would love to follow in their footsteps. Literally.

This book probably would have fanned my already glowing feminist embers, but my fire was stoked even more by reading it while living in a developing country. Ecuador is actually one of the better places to be female when compared to parts of the Middle East and Africa, but definitely isn’t the best. While girls are provided equal education and women hold various jobs outside the home—including high governmental positions—it is still very much a man’s world around here. To my surprise, the machismo culture didn’t strike me as domineering as I read it would be once we first arrived (being a foreign, light-haired, light-eyed female was supposed to get you a ton of unwanted attention), but the longer I am here the more I see what lies below the surface.

The first local guy I started to get to know ended up being a total jerk to me, after being nothing but nice to him. After his extremely rude behavior, he was completely surprised by my reaction to not want to be friends with him anymore. I actually had to tell him that being a jerk to a female was warrant for them to not want to hang out anymore. I don’t think he has ever been told that before, nor do I think he fully understands it now.

The other day, E and I were both wearing clothes that revealed our legs (shorts and a skirt—neither of them being short at all) and walking around the city together. We must have gotten at least 30 comments in about 4 hours. The calls themselves aren’t really super shocking—what really gets to us is the age range of perpetrators. We’ve been whistled at by 7 year olds, fathers (with kids in tow), and grandfathers! Imagine an eighty year old hissing at you when you walk by.

Most of the families we first became acquainted with were headed by single moms, abandoned by their husbands. The nicest things we heard about these fathers were that they were just jerks who got tempted by other women and strayed, leaving young kids behind. The more excruciating details include kidnapping their own kids, beating their wives, and THEN straying when another woman came along, leaving young kids behind.

The law around here isn’t exactly on women’s side. Apparently it is really difficult to get child support from these men who impregnate their young wives then leave once they decide they can’t handle the responsibilities. Further, in addition to abortions being illegal (no ifs, ands, or buts) women are also barred from getting their tubes tied until the age of 32. Thirty-two?? This age requirement makes me angry for multiple reasons. Allow me to name a few:

1. I abhor random numbers (The ‘Max. Occupancy 44’ signs drive me insane).

2. I have heard nothing about an age requirement for vasectomies.

3. How can you deny women the choice of abortion AND the choice of complete prevention??

4. There are entirely too many children in this country. They are on the buses, in the markets, in the streets. I spend my days washing their hands & their faces, wiping their noses, and giving them the hugs, love, and attention they don’t get from any other adults.

Some females here believe these laws exist because machismo men created them, and machismo men like to get their young girlfriends/wives pregnant and feel castrated (somehow) by their choice of getting their own tubes tied. I can’t deny nor support this claim, but I do feel that in addition to the gender culture, the religious (Catholic) culture must play a role, too. It infuriates me that the government would continue to stand by these laws, knowing full well the poverty that drowns its people. Children who may have not been conceived in the first place, or who might have been terminated early on, are doomed to join their other brothers and sisters in the dirty markets, peddling fruits and strawberries so their families can survive. Where is the logic and justice in that? I know I’d hear some backlash on the abortion part, but I cannot fathom anyone arguing against a woman’s right to prevent conceiving a 5^th kid when she already struggles to feed her four.

Half the Sky is all about empowering women through education and aid—but not the kind of aid where money is just thrown at governments who have poor and oppressed women. This has proven again and again to fail. We need to get at the root of these problems in a real grassroots kind of way. We need to inform women that they have choices, and options, and voices. They aren’t baby-making machines/housemaids, disposable with age. They have to stand up to oppression, to men (and other women), to culture, to society. They need to be recognized not just as equal human beings, but for all they do-- even while holding up half the sky.