Feeling Strange

I'm in a very peculiar mood right now. I can't quite establish what is causing it and when exactly it started. I had a lovely Saturday-- got some things done around the house, ran some errands I'd been putting off, and got invited to a birthday barbecue on the beach. It was overcast, but that didn't bother us as we ate good food, drank beers, listened to music. There was a paddleball competition and a very competitive (and hilarious) body surfing match. The boys competed and the girls judged. (The bday boy won, but as a judge, I promise it wasn't rigged.) After the beach, I drove to a coffee shop to study. Somewhere during my studying, my mind drifted and my mood changed. I felt sullen and pensive. Thinking about everything, thinking about nothing. A close friend called putting my thoughts and my mood in abeyance while we caught up, but as I drove home it returned. I pulled up in my driveway, but didn't feel like going inside. I sat in my car for nearly an hour, at first in silence, then turned the volume up on my CD player. I listened to only a few songs, hitting repeat on each one numerous times. A sad, slow, love song sung by a female artist I don't know, with part of the song sung in a foreign language I did not recognize came on. The song was in near perfect sync with my mood, and on the fourth repeat, I grabbed a sheet of scratch paper and a pen from my pile of study materials and wrote. Music and Writing. Two things I simply cannot live without. Here is what I scribbled in the faint blue glow of my car's CD player:

How Can One Be

so strong and so fragile

so smart and so naive

so loved and so lonely

so focused and so lost

so happy and so melancholy

so determined and so distracted

so confident and so unassured

so clearheaded and so confused

I suppose I stopped writing there because writing the word 'confused' summed up my mood, giving me an unsatisfying conclusion to just what I was feeling. I can't concentrate on my studying any more so here I am, recording my thoughts, listening to music, and trying to shake my inner disarray. I hope I can just sleep it off... guess I'll find out soon enough.