What a great weekend I had! It was a really good idea to get out of San Diego for a few days and see old friends and family. I got to hang out a lot with my high school buddies who wanted nothing more than for me to have a good time, hang out with my mom who is always willing to listen and provide comforting words and advice, and hang out with my dad and enjoy his 50th birthday. It is really too bad that Monday ended my trip on a bad note, but even as I sat with friends next to a busted car window waiting for the cops to show up, we were able to joke and laugh. Laughter is so so so important. Kim and I discussed later how many people in that same situation would become furious and let it ruin their whole day (or longer). What's the point? It has already happened. You can always make a bad situation worse by allowing it to affect your mood in a negative way.
It is really hard for me to comprehend how people can just break things and take things with zero remorse. When things like that happen, my initial response is to become really angry, but it subsides quickly. When you have your health, your family, and your friends, things like broken windows and stolen purses are trivial. I am grateful that I have everything I need and much more, so I don't feel I have to go around stealing from others.
I tried to distract myself as well as I could when returning to San Diego. My mom asked me while I was in town if I feel anxious to return after being in Bakersfield for a few days. I replied, "Well, not anymore." It is unfortunate that I am now associating dread and sadness with this beautiful city. I know I will get over that eventually, but it was extremely hard on me as I drove back last night. With every mile closer to San Diego the pain and tightness in my chest grew stronger. By the time I reached Orange County, I had given up on keeping my mind off of the pain I was in. I couldn't concentrate on my "Learning Spanish" CD anymore, and decided to switch to music. I should have put on something fun and distracting. Instead, I put on John Mayer.
About 4 weeks ago, I was sitting in my room playing Mayer's latest CD for Marty. About 3 songs into it, I exclaimed "Wow, someone really broke his heart!" Little did I know, in a few weeks time, John Mayer would be "killing me softly with his words" as I took a dreadful drive into San Diego. I let out all of the sadness I had buried deep down over the last few days. I've read in my book by Thich Nhat Hanh that when you experience any emotion, including sadness and suffering, you should let it happen and acknowledge what you are feeling: "Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis." It is important to experience all feelings, whether good or bad. By fully embracing your times of sadness, it will be that much sweeter when you fully embrace times of happiness.
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