Weekend End

I've never liked Sunday evenings. The weekend is over; Monday and the rest of the weekdays loom ahead. I'm usually tired because I've ruined my sleep pattern by staying up and sleeping in too late. Tonight is no exception.

I had another fun filled weekend with friends and family-- I went to visit Jenn in Sherman Oaks and was surprised to find Collin was also staying in Sherman Oaks this weekend. I like going out because it is something entertaining to do with my friends, but I really don't care to try and meet new people when I'm out. Is that bad? Is that not normal? I can't decide if my lack of motivation to meet new people in bars/clubs/parties is a result of me being used to being in a relationship or if I feel more comfortable in a relationship because I generally lack this motivation. I wouldn't say that I am not sociable.. I think I am outgoing and fun and talkative in many contexts. When I'm single and in bar/club/party situations I guess I almost feel like I am on the defense. When I am in a relationship and go out without my significant other, I feel an invisible barrier. I don't have that barrier right now. Some people say when you are in a relationship you give off the "I'm taken" vibe. I feel vulnerable when I'm not 'taken', thinking I'm giving off the "I'm available" vibe. I have tried to explain this, but people don't understand. They respond "Well that's good! You are single and should be giving that vibe off." However, I've never met any quality guys in a bar and guess I don't plan on it. I usually just end up desperately avoiding creeps. Like last night.

All Jenn and I wanted to do was have a good time and dance. The second either of us slightly moved a hip, some creepy guys creeped up behind us. As we discussed today why guys think that it is acceptable to come up behind a girl you don't know and put your hands on her on a dance floor, we joked that in all other situations this would clearly be unacceptable. I kept picturing walking down the grocery aisle and all of a sudden having a guy walking step in step behind you with his hands on your hips. Of course this would be absurdly inappropriate.. in fact, the cops would probably be called. It is unfair that we were not able to enjoy ourselves to the fullest because of these insanely rude guys. We did meet some very entertaining guys though. Thanks Crazy Dancer and Stunt Man for being fun and not creepy. =)

I think my other problem with being in these situations is not knowing how to politely let a guy know I'm just not interested. I could lie and say I have a boyfriend, but even that sometimes doesn't work (or has the opposite effect-- they try even harder). I really honestly don't know how to just be a bitch to a guy, even if he's not getting the point. This is probably something I should work on. (Not being bitchy, but my assertiveness.) I have to learn how to be single. I really don't mind being alone. Sure, there are moments of loneliness, but all I have to do is pick up the phone and call one of the many people who are always there for me. I really just don't like being single.